I don't know...

Posted by Raychel Celeste

I am so restless right now. My mind is racing. It never stops. I just want for 5 minutes for my mind to just stop, just stop thinking. It’s killing me to sit still and type right now. I want to scream and run around and not stop until something stops me. I want to crash. I need to crash, into something. I think that’s the only way I will stop. That’s the only way my mind will stop racing and my heart will stop pounding. I think I’m angry…or rushed. I don’t know. I’m upset about something, or everything. I’m tired of people and places that I see. I don’t like it. I can’t figure it out. I just want to understand…why do I feel like this, why is my mind doing this, why is my heart beating so fast? Something is wrong with me, or with everyone else. Something is just wrong. It can’t be normal to feel like this. I feel like jumping off a building. Not to injure myself, but just to fall. In my mind I’m already falling, but not in a good way. It’s like someone just pushed me off a cliff and I’m trying not to fall, trying to climb back up. I hate this feeling. I don’t understand it. All I am really certain of, is that things have to change. Something, anything needs to change. I am so frantic for something to be different. I want to be somewhere else. I want to do something, anything else. I want to be someone else. No, I want to be me. I want to actually be myself for once.


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3 comments:

Holly said...

Hun, I think we all feel this way sometimes. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but I love you. Does that help?

Raychel Celeste said...

Yes you freak. You're the best!

Ann Marie said...

Don't wig out. You're not supposed to wig out for another 10 years.