Laughter, Certificates, and Cocktails

Continuing my "Things I Heard" posts with random things I've heard, not just this week, but this month and actually remembered to write down:

1. "He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad."
2. "Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk."
3. "I'll take whatever Glenda the Good Witch took."
4. "[I'm] beginning to think instantaneous access to Facebook through [my] iPhone does not go well with too many cocktails."
5. "I have a certificate. Does anyone else have a certificate? I have a certificate!"

I am both ashamed and amused to report that half of these were heard at Waffle House.