I haven't blogged in about a month. Not that I haven't had the time, I just haven't had any organized thoughts in a while. I've been doing some.. thinking (soul searching would sound so cliche) lately. Thinking about myself, my friends, and life in general. I don't know why I wonder about these things so much because I usually never come to any conclusions... especially about myself. However, I have come to understand something. I have always held my friends in such high regard. I consider myself a pretty good judge in character, so of course the people I choose to be around are great. But, the mistake I have always made is in judging myself by how my friends view me. I think a lot of people say that's a good thing... that you should be able to tell what kind of person you are by how your friends think of you. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that's good enough. I do love my friends and they are wonderful people, but they are just that.. people. They have flaws, just like I do. What makes the opinions of my friends so much more important than my own. What if a friend is angry with me or has a change in heart and decides that I'm not good enough. Does that mean that I should look down on myself for it? I have always been so concerned about what my friends think of me. But, if my friends loved me as much I love them, they would never look down on me or think badly of me. Right? Don't get me wrong, I do want my friends to like me of course, and it would upset me if they didn't.

However, I have known myself much longer than any of my friends. I have, if you will, been in a relationship with myself for almost 21 years. That's one hell of a relationship if you ask me. So, is it so wrong that I be more concerned about how I think of myself? Because lately I have cared so much more about what my friends think of me. And it's just not working. Friendships are hard. They take work, and I'm more than willing to put in the effort it takes to make my friendships work. But the relationship I have with myself is harder. It's so much easier to criticize myself and to not trust myself with certain matters. So, I think it's pretty important that I learn to think better of myself and to love myself more. After all, I am the only person that has always been there for me and always will be. So, it may come off as arrogance or even ignorance... but I won't care. At the end of the day, the only person I am responsible for and responsible to, is myself.

P.S. Someone is driving down my street in a golf cart again. Someone would enjoy that bit of information.