Hi, I'm Raychel and I'm a fixer.

Posted by Raychel Celeste

I've come to realize that I might be a fixer. I'm one of the girls that I have made fun of, who have this controlling tendancy to fix people. Turns out, I'm on of those girls. And I shouldn't single us out, there are guys who do this too. Anyway, the manfriend I have spoken of lately has problems. Well, he had problems in his past and he's done almost a 180 and changed his lifestyle. I am a somewhat judgmental person and I would never have become friends with him if he still did the things he used to do. But he has changed and has a new attitude and lifestyle, more different even from when I met him 2 years ago. It's exciting to see him (or anyone for that matter) go through this change. The good thing though is that he often tells me that I have helped him change and that I made him put things into perspective. It's good to hear that you've helped someone in that way. But I think I've become a little addicted to "fixing" him. When he strays the slightest bit off this new path he's made for himself, I am quick to get on his case about it. I don't think I'm doing it for bad reasons though. I care about him and I don't want to see him get back into things that make him unhappy. He seems to be happy that I'm here to give my opinion on things and to show concern. But, am I being more of a mom than a womanfriend? Sometimes it feels like I'm saying, "Now listen here Manfriend, you know what you need to do. Don't make me spank you" (and totally not in a kinky way either). I just need to know the boundaries. I need to know when it's not my place to tell him what he should do, even if he asks. First I have to get over the fear that if I back off, he'll fall into bad things. I mean, he is a grown man. He has to be able to use his own good judgment, right?

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Holly said...

Haha, quit bein that boy's mama! No, I think it's sweet that you want to help him and he obviously appreciates it. Just don't get frustrated if he does stray. He's not your responsibilty. He apparently just needs someone to show concern, which I know you're good at doing.

RJ said...

i dated girls who were fixers. dont see nothing wrong with it unless they dont like u anymore once theres nothing to fix.

Akirah said...

I like RJ's point. I'm definitely a fixer. And I drive my boyfriend crazy over it. He's similar to your manfriend...trying to make a new life for himself, but sometimes I get frustrated when things don't change as quickly as I would like. But it takes time to unlearn old behaviors...it takes time to pay the consequences of past mistakes...and if I want to be with him, I'll need to accept him as who he is now.

But I am sure he greatly appreciates your concern and encouragement. I'm sure you're great for him, in that regard!